


(i’m on a) hellevator

by jenovibez



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Multi, Possibly Triggering, angsty, fillin up the dry tags, jaesung, kind of a rant tbh, poor bby jisungie :(, renmin, renminsung agenda, rensung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21773428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenovibez/pseuds/jenovibez
Summary: jisung’s been struggling lately.he wants his boyfriends to be there for him.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin/Park Jisung, Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung, Na Jaemin/Park Jisung
Comments: 24
Kudos: 95





	(i’m on a) hellevator

**Author's Note:**

> this was a rant abt my exam stress and just how i’ve been feeling lately, i just kinda had to get it out somewhere. i got real emotional recently

jisung's been hurting, to put it shortly. 

he's been alone, for at least two weeks when he was bothering to count. his mom's been too busy at her multiple jobs, so she doesn't actually know that he hasn't attended school in the last few days. he wishes he could talk to her, of course, but she's got to work, and he's old enough anyways. he can look after himself, can't he?

the positive thoughts and hopes that had filled his mind as he entered exam season were quickly drowned out by a familiar sense of dread, with a chilling sensation pooling in the pit of his stomach if he thought about. a bad memory for too long, or focused on an old scar for more than a few moments. 

renjun and jaemin were his anchor, with the smaller boy helping him study on his free days when he was juggling his part time job and his college studies and the taller helping him out around the house, brightening the full rooms. but both of the older boys had been struggling too. jisung had seen the bags under their eyes and the piles of notes that filled the empty spaces in their rooms. 

he last visited renjun in the older boy's dorm about four weeks ago, but renjun had been caught up with an art final. he tried with jaemin, but it was the same scenario, with his physics and maths exams keeping him busy. there wasn't much time for them anyway. besides, jisung thought that he shouldn't interfere—they need time to themselves after all. 

so he sunk into the bland and dull routine he'd created; school, study, snack and sleep when possible. exams were putting him through the wringer and it was really starting to get on top of him by the first week in. jisung was living off energy drinks, coffee and sweets from the local corner store. 

he hadn't noticed it for a long time, but it felt like a dark shadow, something was weighing him down and following him everywhere. maybe it was stress, or exhaustion, or even guilt about not being there for his older boyfriends. but when he'd heard about his friends possibly going out for a party, he finally decided he wouldn't tag along this time. 

but he finally felt something crack when he looked in his dirty bathroom mirror when he got home. gaunt, sharp cheekbones and his sunken eyes were prominent from the lack of proper nutrition during the season, and his hair was starting to lose the pink tinge his friends loved him for. 

he just felt something snap when he looked away, and suddenly he was holed up in his bed, tears staining his cheeks and bedsheets soaked by the salty water. he clutched the duvet to his chest, listening to the rain on the window outside.

he loses the will to leave his bed on the third day of crying, only standing. up on his shaky legs to get a lone piece of bread from his kitchen or a small glass of water occasionally. he shatters a glass due to his shaky hands on the fifth day, instead falling to his knees. 

he cuts them open by accident, but he feels numb. he only cries because he's been doing so for so long. his eyes are puffy and red and sore, and he just wants to _sleep_ , but he just can't fall asleep because he's mind is plagued with worries. 

on the seventh day, jisung gives up charging his phone. he lies in his cold bed all day, eyes trained on the ceiling fan spinning as he dozes in and out of consciousness, all energy spent. he knows he's missing exams, but he can't find the will to climb to his feet and go to school anymore. 

so some way into the third week of isolation, he gets a knock on the door. he drags the covers around his shoulders and drags his feet as he walks towards the door on shaky and skinny legs, unsure what to think. his heat pounds—who could be here for him?

honestly? he's forgotten about his friends. he figured they'd be fine without him. 

so when he opens the door to see jaemin and renjun standing there in sweats and hoodies, concerned and horrified expressions adorning their faces as they take in jisung's appearance. renjun steps forwards, looking up at his youngest boyfriend and pouting in worry. 

"jisungie? what happened to you, baby?"

he whispers, and jisung can’t think up a reply. his bottom lip trembles as he watches the two boys in front of him, but he does the only logical thing that comes to his hazy and deprived mind in that moment—he bursts into tears. 

jisung cries, ugly, loud and so very annoying in his opinion, but jaemin wraps him up in his arms. he hears them murmuring together, and feels one of their hands on his back, soothing him as he hiccups and chokes on the tears he’s been holding back for so long. 

“i love you guys, so much.”

he mumbles, but then he opens his eyes, and he’s stuck, alone in his cold bed where he thought he’d left. he sits up reluctantly, limbs feeling like mush as he tries to move, and then he remembers it. 

him, renjun and jaemin broke up a month ago.


End file.
